WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

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Linner
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WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by Linner » Wed May 01, 2013 10:16 pm

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WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

If anyone asked me, “Where did you feel the most at home ?”, I would be able to answer right away. It’s at a place that my heart still goes to even now, though I no longer live there. It’s like a loving memory which appears in my mind at any given moment, awakened by something I’m doing which triggers it. Today, for instance, I was standing at the stove here in my apartment, making something to eat, and my old kitchen just popped into my mind…stirring feelings that I try to hide now, because I can never go back.

Where is this place ? It’s my old Kentucky home. I moved away, but my heart is still tied to my old home. I’ve been offered a chance to go back, but to tell the truth, my heart isn’t in it. For I long to be back in my old trailer on top of the hill, looking out over the valley from the back deck, taking in the majestic beauty spread out before me there. I long to be inside my old trailer, with my old furniture, where I was so very comfortable. I knew where everything was, had a place for everything, had worked hard to get settled in and succeeded happily. I was so very content there, with my vegetable garden out back, my projects in the surrounding yard, all the places outside that I was watching from season to season.

There is where I celebrated seeing snow again ! There is where Harry the baby hare lives. There is where I celebrated with the strong wind that blew across the hilltop…standing in it and letting it blow me as hard as it wanted, and feeling the touch of God as I stood strong. There is where I thought I could put down final roots until my days were ended.

Well, time happened, circumstances happened, I had to move. My heart broke, truly it did. I felt like I was being torn by the flesh when I left my Kentucky home. I still feel it. Tears come to my eyes and my heart aches so, whenever I think on the memories of being there. I can never go home again. Never live in my beloved trailer again, or step out on my back deck and watch God do his awesome work. Never stand in the strong wind on the hilltop, or camp out in my Tornado Hotel in the bathroom. Never go back to work on a project in my craft room. So many things I miss from there…still showing up in my life, they still bring that aching longing to be back home.

Home. I’ve been searching for it since Randy passed. He went Home. I was left here to try finding it again, for it just disappeared when he left. His heart was my home. Since then, I’ve moved to different places, falling in love with what I thought then was Home, only to be torn away from her time and time again. Texas. High Springs. Kentucky. I loved each and every one of them. The land loved me, but my staying was not possible.

I have wondered so many times in all of this, what is God’s purpose in this pain of being stripped from what I have come to love ? Why can’t He let me stay in one place to live out the rest of my years, where I am so close to His land, so close to His creatures and living beings ? Why has He caused me to move so many times, losing my friends and my closeness with the land ? Why have I fallen on hard times in my relationships with my kids ? God, what is your purpose for me to learn from all of this ? As I have been writing the words to this piece, I’ve felt like a person being led. He’s telling me what to write, and I am getting a feeling there will be an answer for me today.

The obvious direction has dawned on me. As I speak of the heartache of leaving, of not having the love of my children, or of some people I thought were family, of the pain involved and the losses suffered with moving…I am prompted to think, am I the only one here who has lost ? And it opened up in my mind that God Himself has lost so very much. Has suffered pain like I will never know. Has seen his land come and go, his people rise up to Him and fall away, has lost his only beloved child in an unbelievable act of love and selflessness for the whole world. GOD is crying in pain because His children do not love Him and show Him their respect, or that they even believe in Him. God gave everything to his children, yet they turn from Him. How awful that would feel to any ordinary person, to have everything you loved taken from you, yet still love them back. Just like I still love my children, even though their love and respect for me is a questionable thing. I only have two. God has the whole population of the earth. What that pain must feel like, multiplied millions of times.

And so, here I am still thinking on these things while I write them down. Is my heart still breaking ? Not now that my thinking has gone away from it. Not now that I have realized just a small fraction of what real pain must be like for a heart that holds love for multitudes. What an awesome love He has for us…that He still holds out His arms in welcome, with love in His eyes, tears falling, so happy to receive His children back HOME !! Even though it may be one at a time, still, there He is ready to welcome each and every one back into His heart. Standing ready to welcome them HOME.

And me ? Another one of those individuals hopefully come to understand that though I think I have found Home here on Earth, the only true HOME is where God is…in His heart and His arms. That is the very least I can do for God, after all He has done for me. I hope my parents are in Heaven watching me write this. I hope they know how much I love them, and appreciate what they did for me…and how I long to be back with them…when I go Home.
 
Linda Vale Martin May 1, 2013
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DeaconSteve
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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by DeaconSteve » Wed May 01, 2013 10:41 pm

WOW Lindy, this one stirred inside my heart. I felt your pain, though I have never been in a situation like have, and more than once. But which happens so often when we write, God allows us to realize our own answer. I have two brothers, who both have cancer now, and one only has 6 months to live, and the other . . . well only God knows. Only God knows when any of us will be going HOME to be with Him. Anyway I would like to share this if you didn't mind on my family website, and also on Open My Eyes Lord. There are many, many folks who will be able to relate to this, perhaps a little differently, but still yet, relate. Thank you for sharing your heart sweet, and your heart truly is a sweet place for our Lord to be. God bless you.







For Christians the question isn't whether or not God exists or if Christ is Lord—the question is how deeply those truths change your life.



Live today as if it were your last, for tomorrow it will be your past, but live it with peace in mind, joy to find, and for God divine!

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Brenda Pike
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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by Brenda Pike » Wed May 01, 2013 11:08 pm

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DEAR LINDA, WHAT AN AWESOME MESSAGE. VERY PROFOUND AND HEART TOUCHING DEAR FRIEND. I HAVE ASK GOD MANY TIMES MYSELF, QUESTIONS OF WHY THIS AND THAT. I CERTAINLY CAN RELATE TO YOUR HEARTBREAK EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS. I THINK WE ARE WHERE WE ARE SUPPOSE TO BE IN LIFE AT OUR AGE. THOUGH WE MAY WANT AND FEEL OTHER WISE, BUT GOD KNOWS BEST. AND YES THE OFFER STANDS YOU COULD COME BACK IF YOU SO DESIRED. WE BOTH THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A MOVE IN YOUR BEST INTEREST. SO THE LIGHT IS ON AND THE DOOR ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. LOVE BRENDA

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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by oceanwiser » Thu May 02, 2013 4:23 am

Home is where the heart is.

I remember Randy telling me his heart's desire was just to sit on a porch with Linda and grow old sitting together and simply holding hand's in their rocking chairs.

But 815 Ridge, lacked a porch, and G-d had a greater plan.

I remember skidding on the ice in Libertyville, Kentucky, coming from Chicago to Florida with my Japanese friends, and stopping just two feet from the edge of a cliff. That same town where a man asked Mari if she would please stop a while and talk in Japanese to his WWII war bride who had not found another to speak with her in her native tongue in twenty years.

We did not die that day, the car came to a stop, we did not go over that cliff, and G-d had a greater plan.

I came out of a coma in July of 2008, and was told I was in hospice and they were going to cut off my leg that night and that I was going to die.

I told them no, I would keep my leg and expected to die, but did not, and found G-d had a greater plan.

I received a call from a friend in tears last week that her daughter lay dying and the doctors could do nothing and she was bleeding from an unknown cause and the doctors could do nothing, and the mother begged for prayer.

And so people prayed, the daughter got better, the doctors were perplexed because she did not die, because G-d had other plans.

Lord, let me be content with my portion, let me eat and be satisfied. Let me bring Blessing to others and not be a burden to them. Let me be happy and let my life be Your lesson, that all see your Glory and they in turn continue happy and joyous, and find You truly do... Have a greater plan. Let Your love be us. We are but human, and fail on our own. Let us partake of Your plan and let us know You will always be with us.

For we are but dust, yet let us walk for a while here and find ourselves happy. Let us partake of Your Plan and when time comes we wither, and we die, then love us the more, remember us always, for it is our only hope we are a part of that marvelous plan.

May Almighty G-d grant you Mercy and Peace,

Ray

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Linner
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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by Linner » Thu May 02, 2013 6:23 am

DeaconSteve wrote:WOW Lindy, this one stirred inside my heart. I felt your pain, though I have never been in a situation like have, and more than once. But which happens so often when we write, God allows us to realize our own answer. I have two brothers, who both have cancer now, and one only has 6 months to live, and the other . . . well only God knows. Only God knows when any of us will be going HOME to be with Him. Anyway I would like to share this if you didn't mind on my family website, and also on Open My Eyes Lord. There are many, many folks who will be able to relate to this, perhaps a little differently, but still yet, relate. Thank you for sharing your heart sweet, and your heart truly is a sweet place for our Lord to be. God bless you.







For Christians the question isn't whether or not God exists or if Christ is Lord—the question is how deeply those truths change your life.
***********************************************************************

DEAR STEVE...OH, HOW SORRY I AM FOR YOUR FAMILY AND THE CANCER-STRICKEN MEMBERS. THERE IS ONE THING IN THIS EXISTENCE THAT I TRULY DO HATE, AND THAT IS CANCER. MAY GOD BE WITH THEM AND WITH YOUR FAMILY. AS FOR SHARING THIS PIECE ? YOU MAY, AND ARE ALWAYS WELCOME TO DO SO. IT IS AN HONOR TO GOD, AND ME, OF COURSE, THAT YOU WISH TO DO SO. I PRAY THESE WORDS WILL OFFER SOLACE TO OTHERS, LIKE YOU SAY.

THANK YOU, STEVE, FOR SUCH A WONDERFUL COMMENT AND FOR THE NICE THINGS YOU HAVE SAID. I WAS BLESSED WHILE WRITING THIS PIECE AND HOPE THAT BLESSING WILL BE SHARED....

LOVE TO YOU ALWAYS,....LINDY :D :wink:



Always be kind and fair; it all comes back to you in time ! Image

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DeaconSteve
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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by DeaconSteve » Thu May 02, 2013 12:30 pm





“Be at peace, dear child of heaven. There is no reason for anything but a peaceful countenance. I am working in your soul if you are allowing Me to do so and you will come closer and closer to Me. You see that I am calling you to do this. I want you to behave like Me and even to think like Me. You will be gentle and kind to those you meet in your day and they will then consider what it is that makes you different. And there is a contrast between those following Me, and those following the world. The closer you come to Me, the greater the contrast. I would like to see a multitude of souls drawing closer to Me. You can help with this project because you represent Me. I am calling everyone and I use each of you to do this. So be My voice in your world and cry out to your brothers and sisters. Tell them of My love for them and tell them of My wish to draw them closer to Me. If you allow Me to work through you, I will do so. If you practice loving all souls and being merciful to all souls, soon you will be speaking My name to them. You understand that if you are not merciful and kind, it will not matter what you say because souls will be repelled. It is only through your love, inspired by Me, that they are moved. So be gentle as I am gentle and souls will be drawn back into the safe pasture of My Sacred Heart.”


For Christians the question isn't whether or not God exists or if Christ is Lord—the question is how deeply those truths change your life.

Jesus


Live today as if it were your last, for tomorrow it will be your past, but live it with peace in mind, joy to find, and for God divine!

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B.J.Morbitzer
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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by B.J.Morbitzer » Fri May 03, 2013 8:54 am

Linda.,
This one really opened up my heart in a good way this day my dear friend.
I just love this one you posted,This write is very profound and touched the most inner part of my heart as well this day my dear friend too.
I like my brother Steve, also felt your pain while reading this too.
The only real pain and sorrow I ever felt which was a few time's while overseas, But really badly when the loss of my beloved sweety I loved with all my heart body and soul.
I can really relate to this one somewhat Linda.
I appreciate you sharing this one as well.
GLYASDI
B.J..

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wvhillbilly47
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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by wvhillbilly47 » Tue May 07, 2013 10:13 pm

Sweet Linda,
Your words touch the innermost part of my spirit as I read of your desire to return to Kentucky, and of the struggles with the loss of the support and understanding from your children. When we are torn away from that which is familiar, and that which brings contentment we often question as you have.
As you continue, and I see your great strength and how you are led to understand God's plan for you, I can only shout, "Hallelujah"! His plan for your life is unfolding before you.
May you continue to find solace in His love, in His majesty as you walk with Him!

With Affection,
Sheila
The proud heritage of my forefathers has given me the freedoms that are those to claim as mine. May I always give homage to the sacrifices they have made to bring me to this place, this day!

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Shirley Shaw
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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by Shirley Shaw » Thu May 23, 2013 4:37 am

Dear Linda Linners; I Hope that I wl. be allowed to Post on this, and not be too late, but I just now seen it ! What a Beautiful Explaination, and Laying out, of Your Life ! God', was speaking through You, and You were Talking to Him, in this Message ! You even answered a lot, of Your own Questions, with Gods', help ! Your Journies, Linda, have been Many,indeed, but through it all, God', has placed You, where You should be ! Time will east the hurt and pain, of memories Lost, but it does take time..Some Live On, inside of us@ea. recall or thought ! But, You know that God', is With You All The Way ! I don't even have to tell you that ! This was One, Very heartfelt and Touching Write..As I read it, I cld. feel the Heartache that still remains...Time will get easier, Girlfriend....You are Blessed, in So many Ways ! Your Heart is still intact, so very plain to see, through this write...You still have all of your Friends/Family ! They have never left, just sometimes we all get ,and have our Hurts and pain, from things that will remain in our Memory...The Hard part is dealing with it, but God', Will help mend all of that, in Time..(Just Trust your Own Heart, and let God', lead You, where He May ! (This is Such a Beautiful Write)...Let those Feelings out, Sis....'God Bless You Always, Sis Linda Linners"...Love you Much, as Always, Sis/Pastor Shirley shaw~~~~~

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Re: WHEN WILL MY HEART GO HOME.

Post by Sharlee » Thu May 23, 2013 1:37 pm

Hello Linda, what a wonderful message. It touched my heart and seemed to open it up once again to not all the pain, but to His love. I always have wanted to go home again. I so disliked the North. I missed the warmth on a summer night and the precious ones who I held so tight. So often I wondered what I am doing here but how right you are in all you say. The pain I feel is nothing compared to what our Lord felt as He gave His life for all. Right now, I thank Him for sending me here to read this. Thank you for opening up and sharing with so much love. May the Lord bless you always as I too wait to go home.

Love, Sharlee

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